Diane Ashton — with her son, Geoff, and daughter, Lindsey.
There was a time when motherhood did not feel like that happy state of lore for Diane Ashton — she suffered from postpartum anxiety and depression.
But Ashton later turned that terrible experience into a positive by founding PPD Support HI, a support group for parents with similar challenges.
“With her superb listening skills and fantastic sense of humor, she operates the PPD hotline — anyone can call her with PPD-related questions,” wrote Karena McCue, who nominated Ashton for Mom of the Week. “She also facilitates a weekly support group where women can share their stories and talk face-to-face. She is a font of information and resources about PPD and works daily to educate our community about this often misunderstood condition.”
Quick facts and thoughts from Diane Ashton:
Age: “50-plus.”
Occupation: Founder, PPD Support HI, a group for parents with pregnancy- and postpartum-related mood/anxiety challenges (www.ppdsupporthi.org)
Resides: Central O‘ahu
Grew up in: Vancouver, Canada
Family stats: Married; children Geoff, 19, and Lindsey, 14
Activities/organizations/honors: Postpartum Support International (PSI) Hawaii co-coordinator, Pacific region coordinator, and Web site support; National Association of Social Workers
List up to five adjectives that describe you: “Empathic, passionate, thoughtful, funny, competent.”
What do you think are the toughest and greatest things about being a mom? "One of the toughest things about being a mom, especially a new mom, was overcoming the idealistic image of motherhood that is portrayed everywhere. Motherhood either looks perfect, as shown in commercials, or literally crazy, as portrayed on national newscasts. It's mostly somewhere in the middle.
"One of the greatest things about being a mom is how much learning about being a parent is a two-way street. Before I had children, I thought I'd be the one teaching, when in fact my kids have taught me so much more, and in ways I never imagined."
Do you have a favorite book, song and/or movie? "Just one book, song or movie? No — there are too many good ones, and for so many different reasons. I used to think the ideal 'heaven on earth' was a library. Then came the Internet."
When you have a chance to relax, what do you do? "Read, write, chat with friends in person or online. Go to movies with another movie mom. Body board (oooh, I really want us to go body boarding over the break!)."
Do you have a mom role model? If so, who is she and why do you admire her? "Not just one — a conglomerate of my mom, my mother-in-law and a couple of parenting teachers. I admire my mom and mother-in-law for the parents they were to us growing up. The parenting teachers brought added elements that weren't commonly taught in my mom's day: active listening, logical consequences and positive parenting. "
What life lessons do you hope to leave with your children? “How to ‘play well with others,’ because being smart is good but useless if you can’t play well with others.”
What advice would you give to a new mom? “ ‘Dust bunnies can wait’ is the line from a poem that was in a notebook I got as a participant in a weekly mommy group. The philosophy of the poem and the friendship and support of other moms are two things I think every mom needs. Nap when baby naps, enjoy baby’s growth and joy every day, and do it with mom friends.”
"Essay section":
It is so scary making a call for help when you are a mom who isn’t having the motherhood experience you hoped for, when you maybe feel like a bad mom, when you feel overwhelmed, or when perhaps you’ve had some scary thoughts popping in to mind.
Many moms call me and initially apologize for calling, or for “bothering” me. The truth is, I feel very honored to receive their calls. They trust me enough, at some point — a total stranger — to hear their stories, often told through tears.
When you’re going through and feeling things that no one really talks about and finally hear something that sounds like or acknowledges your own experience, there’s a feeling of such relief — you’re not alone! (You’re really not, although it can feel like it.) This is not your fault. And you will feel like yourself again.
In 1994, I felt quite alone (and like I was “going crazy”), even with extended family around with support. But it wasn’t until Oprah’s show discussed “postpartum depression” (PPD) in 2001 that I finally got a name for that dreadful “thing” my family and I went through when my daughter was about 9 months old. I immediately I hit the Internet, thirsting to finally make some sense out of it all. After about 12,000 online discussions about PPD, and with some encouragement, I started PPD Support HI (PPDsupportHI.org <http://www.ppdsupporthi.org/> ).
Taking phone calls and emails, giving support, information and education, and facilitating a weekly support group, we offer the things I did not find readily during my own postpartum struggle. We even find and share laughter.
Thanks to participating in some PPD education events with Rosemary Adam-Terem (PhD) and Marya Grambs (Mental Health America of Hawaii), many new mothers are referred from a variety of Hawaii agencies. But if you’re a new mom who is struggling, call or email me directly, like Karena, my dear nominator did (humble hugs and many mahalos!!) over a year ago. I'm truly happy to help.